#TMIishTuesday #50 – Being me, or: Self-confidence

Hey,

Today
marks the 50th issue of this thing called #TMIishTuesday! And it’s also pretty
close to its 1-year anniversary! I posted the first #TMIishTuesday on 23
February 2016. Since, there has been a new post on this blog pretty much every
week. Crazy! Time flies! I don’t know how else to celebrate than to just post
another one of these. 😀 So, enjoy my thoughts on self-confidence.

Hey
there mighty people of the internet!

And welcome to issue #50 of #TMIishTuesday – my weekly Tumblr post about what goes
through my weird mind and on what you guys want to know more about. It can be
something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely
pointless – but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well.

// Last week I talked about questions
I see a lot on the web: “Am I gay/lesbian/whatever because [blank]?”.
I elaborated on why those kids might think that doing/wearing/liking certain
things might set them apart and why that’s not true in most cases. Oh, and I
provided some examples that are, imho, quite hilarious. If you haven’t read
that yet: Click this.
Also, on the Queer Shoutout of last week: There is now a trailer for the German
film of Moonlight. It will be in cinemas on 9 March 2017. If you’re German, I highly recommend
watching it! Might even do it again. I’ll probably bring up the topic again
next week for a language-related post. //

Back to this
week’s topic though: Self-confidence.
Last week when I wanted to depart for school it was raining. But not like
drizzling rain, proper cats-and-dogs rain. So I put on my rain-proof trousers
and got out my bike. And after 10 minutes of cycling (and being freaking happy
about those trousers!), I walked into class. Once I did, I got some funny
comments on my trousers. Obviously I got out of them as soon as I arrived, but
my classmates noticed I wore them. I just told them how freaking useful the
trousers were and how they had not done a perfect job because there were still
a few damp spots on my jeans underneath.

Afterwards
I thought about how such situations would have been in high school. My class is
very open-minded and it’s just awesome how accepting everyone is of each other.
There’s no bullying going on and we definitely have the same kind of humor.
It’s just cool!

For most of high school, however, I had a hard time. Especially during
grade 5 through 7 some of my classmates bullied me. I was the easy victim:
Older than most of them, still the smallest and by far the skinniest guy, very
shy, not trying too much to fit in. It got a little better when we grew older,
but until the end I never felt fully integrated. If I had gotten out of those
rain-proof trousers in class back then, surely that would have made for days of
teasing.

Since
high school, I’ve had lots of life experience. And I’ve understood that I have
things to be proud of as well. I’m still the skinniest kid in class. Even when
the age difference now is even larger: Pretty much everyone is 4-9 years
younger than me. But they are no fierce, pubescent people and we’ve had a cool
bond from day one. Teachers even praise our class for having such a good
atmosphere among each other.

But back
to the trousers: I think my response really made the difference here. I just
laughed along with them cause I know that I look ridiculous with those
oversized trousers. But I didn’t want to spend the day in totally wet jeans.
The rest of the class all go by car or bus/train, so they don’t have to worry
about that.

Why I
tell you all of this? Well, the take-away is: Self-confidence is key! Be you –
and you will be happy! Don’t try to be a person you don’t want to be – just to
fit in. That will only make you unhappy. Rather, try to embrace as much of
yourself as you can! Sure, being 100 % yourself is not easy. And it takes a lot
of courage – and trust – to be that 100 % around others. But the more you can
be yourself, the better. And the happier you are. Trust me, it works!

In our
class I feel like we take each other for who we are. Or at least for who we
pretend to be. I don’t pretend to be someone else around them. And that’s a
complete different feeling to high school. I don’t have to lie to them. I feel
comfortable enough to laugh about myself. That helps a lot!

But the
complete truth is: I also don’t share everything with them. I haven’t told any
of them about my sexuality. Even the girl, who works at the same company as I,
doesn’t know. The question I ask myself a lot with that regard is: Why should
she (and the other classmates) know? Is there any added value to that? I do
think that there is. Just being a little more myself. Not having to avoid
certain phrases for the fear of them judging me. But I’ve only known these
people for half a year. And I only see them for a few hours

twice a week. I’m
not too close with them. I fear their judgement. Yes, they seem super accepting.
Especially in the context of the group. But you never know what some might really
think about you. And how that might change your relationship to them. Sure, the
saying is true: If they don’t accept you for who you are, you shouldn’t care
about them either. But that’s hard. Especially in such a small class of 17 that
I’ll meet each week for the next 2 years.

I do
think that I can trust several of those 16 that they won’t spread the word, if
I told them not to. But then again: It makes life more difficult with some
knowing and some not. I think the best way would just to be open about it. And
to grab opportunities to address the topic should they arise. I actually missed
one last week. I was in the car with the colleague from class and two other
class mates. We are not crazily close, but I do feel 100 % comfortable around
them. One of them asked whether I had a girlfriend. I simply said no.
Afterwards I debated whether or not this would have been a good way to slowly
open up about the topic. With the car ride having a clear destination and my
colleague and I heading to work straight after, there would have been a
clear-cut end to any arising discussion as well.

Yeah,
but I’m drifting off off the original topic: Self-confidence. I surely AM more
self-confident than a few years back. I actually think that coming out to the
few, who know, has played a huge role in that. Besides just growing older in
general. Oh, and taking the time to explore my role in society. Just reading
lots on some stuff that interests me (see all the posts on Trump, Spaenle, and
the like on here) and growing more of a “this is who I am” feeling.
In two weeks time there’ll be another major change happening. But I won’t spoil it just yet. As a hint: It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and I posted about it on this blog as well. Now I finally made an
appointment cause I feel I have the guts to do it. Self-confidence so to say.

Right.
What’s the take-away from this post:
1. It does get better.
2. You can do it –
no matter what.
3. You are just right. Whoever you are. Be yourself! It rocks!

Before I
go let me know your thoughts on self-confidence. In which ways are you
self-confident? What made you be more of the you you are know? Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else
you can think of to get to me.

Queer Shoutout you say? Jase Peeples for advocate.com: An interview with Troye
Sivan on his album Blue Neighbourhood. It’s about one-and-a-half years old,
but I still found it very interesting. Troye talks about the album itself, what
it’s about, what some of the songs are about, and what makes the video trilogy
Wild/Fools/Talk Me Down so important. Check it!

As usual: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any
questions in the meantime, just ask away.
Whatever you’re curious about – I don’t bite. 🙂

Until then: Stay mighty!

Linkage:
– Moonlight trailer (German): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXNhcV_YPfo
– Queer shoutout: http://www.advocate.com/music/2015/9/11/troye-sivan-these-songs-are-about-boys

Oh, and here’s some self-promo:
– Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/157242375058/tmiishtuesday-49-am-i-gay-because-of
– All #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi
– More #TMIishTuesdays on
personal topics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/me
– More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian
– Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com 

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